


unspoken

by spilled_notes



Series: Utterances [1]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:45:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilled_notes/pseuds/spilled_notes
Summary: For the prompt 'things you didn't say at all'.  Requested by deviltakehimback and a lovely anon on Tumblr.





	1. Serena

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deviltakehimback](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deviltakehimback/gifts).



She says it in everything but words.

Because to her they’re only words – important ones, admittedly, but only words nonetheless.

But to Bernie? Oh, to Bernie she knows they’re something terrifying, something that would send her spiraling into a panic she isn’t certain she could pull her out of. Something she worries would make her run and never come back.

And she wants to say it, wants so much to utter the words that seem to be filling her whole being. But she doesn’t _need_ to, doesn’t need to say it out loud to know how she feels, to know that it’s real. Knows there are other ways to say it to Bernie, ways that won’t scare her away.

So instead she says it with a look, a touch. A whiskey after a long day in theatre. A kiss pressed to her temple as they fall asleep together. A coffee and pastry at the end of a night shift.

With everything but the words.

_I love you._


	2. Bernie

‘I want you,’ she says. ‘I need you. I-’

The words catch in her throat. Not because she doesn’t feel it, but because she feels it too much.

Because she said it to Marcus, and look how that ended.

Because she said it to Alex, and broke her heart.

Maybe this would be third time lucky but it feels like a curse, and she can’t lose Serena.

Sometimes the words almost escape her. It catches her unawares, this swell of emotion: when she wakes beside her, when their eyes meet and Serena smiles, when their fingers brush absentmindedly as they look at a patient’s X-ray together.

She thinks Serena knows. Hopes she does. Worries it isn’t enough, that without the words it somehow isn’t real. That left unspoken what she feels doesn’t count.

That Serena can’t know if she won’t say it. That Serena needs to hear it, needs something she can’t give her.

And then she glances up to find Serena gazing at her warmly, and her heart feels too big for her chest.

She can’t say it, but she pours it into her smile: _I love you._

And suddenly she’s certain that Serena’s answering smile says: _I know._

‘Home?’ she suggests.

‘Best idea I’ve heard all day.’

They log off their computers, gather coats and bags.

‘Serena?’

‘Yes?’

Their eyes meet, and there it is again.

Maybe one day it won’t make her panic.

Maybe one day she’ll be able to say it.

But not today.

‘Nothing,’ she says with a small smile and a shake of her head. She offers her arm to Serena. ‘Let’s go, Fraulein.’


End file.
